Live As A Survivor And Change Your Own Life...

Just because you were made a victim by someone else or even yourself (self abuse  to include but not limited to via cutting, obesity, etc) doesn't mean you have to stay one, instead become a survivor... You can live as survivor and change your own life...We can choose to live in the victim mentality or we can choose to live in the survivor mentality, you may ask how can you do that with what you've been through. You can do it by choosing to forgive the abuser whether it was someone else or yourself via self abuse as stated above. You may not be able to forget what happened, but forgiving will help you heal and it will help concerning the the anger you may be holding onto due to the abuse. We can't change the fact that we were abused, but we can change how we deal with what we went through. Don't let it consume you, nor bring you down to the point of not being able to function, nor to the point of giving up. You are stronger than you even know, you're here, you're alive and you're a survivor just like me... So Live As A Survivor And Change Your Own Life...
tcc

You Can Be A Survivor

Don't think that because you are victim now that you can't become a survivor, because you can. Becoming a survivor is something that every victim can obtain. It may not seem easy and at times it may even seem impossible, but trust me it can happen. Be determined, be vigilant, be aware and ready to get out and to safety. Make a plan, make contacts, make a support system if you have time. If  you feel you can't get out safely and you're in danger please call 911. To become a survivor you must get out to survive. You can't love your abuser enough to make him/her change, they have to want to change which sadly not all do.  tcc

The Abuse I Endured Is Not Who I Am, But What I Went Through

I am a victim turned survivor of childhood sexual abuse, adulthood domestic abuse, homelessness, severe obesity and more. From the ages of 7-10 I was abused by multiple males at different times, then we moved when I was 10 and for a time it stopped then it started again at age 13 or so with two different males on and off for a year or so and then at at 15- 16 one of the first males tried it again by then I'd heard of statutory rape and told him if he didn't stop he would go to jail. He never touched me again. I married at 18 then he stopped work two weeks after we got married and I continued working, not knowing when I married him that he would ever put his hands on me inappropriately, slapping, throwing me and choking me which started a few months after we were married and I thought I was pregnant, he became very angry and chased me through the place we lived in and choked me in the hall I got away and ran into our room (I couldn't get to the outside door) to shut the door he got in and slung me around like a rag doll. His mother had heard the commotion from nearby and came in and got mad not because her son was slinging me and choking me but because she was afraid the neighbors would hear. (I paid her rent for the trailer we lived in next to her home). It wasn't the first time he had hit me. During our marriage I did get pregnant and then I lost the baby when I was beginning my 5th month of the term I had named her Vanessa Rene', I lost her in the Dr's office during a visit it turns out I was miscarrying and the Dr put her in a bottle and sent her with me to the hospital. He refused to be with me when I had gone to the ER a few days early and I was told to go home and when the miscarriage was over to come back and they would do a D&C. After that marriage I met a man we got married he got 10 years for robbery, I waited for nearly 4 years then he asked for a divorce. I met my children's dad and we had three children together. I was with him 15 1/2 years it was during that time about 9 yrs in into it that I gained weight due to depression leaving me at about 400 of (which I have now lost 190 pounds of the original weight now leaving me about 70 pounds yet to lose) and then the kids and I were homeless for 2 1/2 years after he and I split. I was trying to go to college raising three kids while homeless I had to drop out. I left and moved back to my home state of Indiana with my two youngest children as by this time my teen son's girlfriend became pregnant and he wanted to stay there to help her raise the baby at her parents home. We were living on Cape Cod at the time and I couldn't afford to stay and rent a place. It broke my heart to move so far from him but the counselor had threatened to have social services take all three of my children because we were homeless so I had to leave and go near my mom where we could be get a home. We left in 2001 and then I met the man that I was married to until 2008, he turned out to be a very dangerous man more dangerous that I could have ever imagined with what the Dr's would call multiple personalities but what I call demons, he had 44 names and 4 known voices and at one point he attempted to take me off to kill me. He had even told me where he was going to dump my body had he succeed the night he attacked me. He would howl like an animal saying he was a wolf spirit, he ate raw buffalo meat bought at an Amish farm. He would go around our property marking it like an animal and his appearance could even change without notice while standing in front of me. His face would be distorted and he would growl and howl. That's just a piece of the story with him He was verbally and physically assaulting to me.  I left him in 2007 and I have been single since then. I have made many many bad choices in my life that caused me hurt and my kid much hurt even though I never intended for them to be hurt, it did cause them much emotional distress for which I am so sorry for they had to endure the sound of the arguments and the fear we all went through due to his abuse (their step dad at the time) and the arguing between their dad and I over issues. God has brought me through so much that I might help others with what I went through by telling them that they too can get out and can make it with His help. I am not angry at God and I never was even when I didn't understand at the time why I had to endure such things as a child and adult and this is only the tip of the iceburg. God has been my salvation and my strength even when I felt I didn't deserve it. He has used the bad in my life to witness to others on the streets when I meet someone going through the same or that has gone through it already. I blog about it all in hopes to continue to help others. I hope to be invited to churches, conferences, seminars etc to let others know that even if they have and / or are going through the same that they too can be survivors with God's help. I still struggle at times with the negative words I have heard from others about me but I will not allow them to rule and ruin me. God has brought me too far. I stand on His Jer. 29:11  Jer. 33:3 Hab. 2:3 Rom. 8:28 and Heb 11:1 and all other scriptures of His promises for me and you.. So know that you are not alone for God is there and I am here if you need to talk. tcc

Women Are Not The Only Victims/Suriviors Of Domestic Abuse, It Can Also Include Men and Children...

According to statisitcs woman are not the only victims/survivors of domestic violence. It is reported that as many as 40% of domestic violence victims are men. That is nearly 2 of 5. 
Most men do not report the abuse as they aren't taken seriously according to studies.
Abuse can be physical, verbal and/or mental. It can also affect you in more ways than just physical. It wreaks havoc on you in so many ways and it can also affect your children even if they aren't being hit. It can cause your children some of the same emotional issues as the one being abused as you will read below.The physical of being hit can leave you with broken bones, bruises, and organ issues from the force of the hitting, the bruises and bones many heal, but the emotional affects are there long after the body heals if you survive  which I hope you do. The other physical/emotional/mental issues can cause vomiting, night terrors, night sweats, anxiety, panic attacks, bedwetting, withdrawing, brokenness in your emotions, uncontrollable crying when you least expect it, anger from you at others even when they haven't done anything wrong. The list goes on and on in how it can affect you, your mind, your body, your future relationships, your relationships with family and/or friends, etc can all be affected due to abuse. Please get out while you can. Abuse affects more than just you.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Being Alone For A Period Of Time Is Much Better Than being Abused...

Being alone for a period of time is much better than being with someone who is abusive, yet many do not look at it like that. I know that for a a fact because I have been in multiple relationships in the past that were abusive and I stayed for multiple reasons such as I didn't want to be alone, I didn't feel I deserved better I didn't feel anyone could love me, I still loved the the person for who they were when we met not who they were when they began abusing me and I thought then that I could love them enough that they'd change and not hurt me, yet it doesn't work that way. You cannot love anyone enough to make them stop abusing you. It took me from that time I was 18 until I was 47 to realize that I'd rather be alone than to be with an abuser. I find now that I am alone and not in a controlling abusive relationship/marriage that I am happier, healthier mentally and spiritually. I have also learned that should God ever choose to send someone in my life that he will enhance the happiness I already have and not be my source of happiness. I was so insecure that I was also very clingy and needy and that in itself is not healthy for anyone. We allow the abuser to continue to abuse us if we stay and we are therefore their enablers if we do not try to get away from them and stay away. It isn't our fault they are abusers so that is not what I am saying, however it is our fault if we don't try to get away and stay away so we can be safer. There are situations where the abused has left and still been hurt and/or killed.It's so sad what one person can do to another, we have to stand up for ourselves and get away. Make a plan, get s support network of others to help you get away safely. I know it's hard being a lone at first but trust me once you break free and are safe you will be so glad and you will probably ask yourself later , Why did I wait so long? There are hotlines and support groups that you can contact for help as well. I have some listed on one  of my other posts on this blog, please take time to write them down.

Victims/Survivors Aren't Asking For What They Get, Nor Are They Stupid etc

Just for the record, a victim and/or survivor of abuse doesn't stay in an abusive relationship/marriage because they like the abuse, nor because they are stupid, selfish etc. Many times and usually each time it is out of lack of self esteem due to the abuser building them up only to tear them down, fear of being alone, fear of not being able to provide for themselves due to the constant words of the abuser telling their victim you aren't worthy of anyone else, no one else would want you, you are damaged goods, you can't do it on your own, you are worthless, unworthy, and so much more until you begin to believe what they are saying is true,. yes in my opinion it is a form of brainwashing of the victim and the abuser uses the victims vulnerability to their advantage. They also disconnect them from family and friends making them believe things that simply aren't true. So please don't be as the abuser and say such negative things about and/or to the victim and/or survivor who has already gotten out. Unless you have been in that situation you can not understand the way the abuser works nor why the abused stays so long. Rather than judge the abused as being stupid, weak, etc have compassion without enabling them or the abuser. yes if you are being abused you have to make the choice to get out, yes it can seem impossible to do, yet you can do. It's about choices of taking back your life and not letting the abuser keep control, Get yourself and your children (if you have any) to safety asap. You are stronger than you realize, you just have to stop believing the lies of your abuser. Stop allowing them to control you, your thoughts, your emotions and you life. Make a safety plan to get ouot, keep that plan to yourself and those who can/will help you and that will not sneak and tell your abuser. Believe and know that you can get out. So to those who judge those of us who have been abused and/or those who still are being abused know that we are not stupid, not deserving of the abuse and that we don't ask for the abuse when we stayed. To those being abused know you are worth more than the abuse you are going through. tcc

You Don't Have To Live Your Life As A Victim, Even If You've Been Victimized

You don't have to live your life as a victim, even if you have been victimized. You can choose to start living as a survivor and be happy in spite of the horrible things you have gone through, be it things inflicted by others or by yourself. We have to choose to move forward and not live in our past even if others want to remind us of our pasts. The thing is they sometimes forget they have their own past and own stories of being a victim, be it of a abuse, violence, self inflicted via cutting, obesity, drugs, etc. We need to find the positive even in the negative in our lives in order to stop living as a victim. We need to let God of the anger, hurt and pain, yes it will try to rear it's ugly head in our thoughts and daily lives, but we need to control it not allow it to control us. Give yourself time to heal, yet do not stay in that time of anger, hurt and pain... Use what you went through to help others to know that they too can be survivors of their past and present in many cases. Becoming a survivor is a choice that will make such a difference in your life, so that you can be happy in spite of the bad that has and/or is happening. If you are in an abusive situation please make plans to get out as fast and safely as you can. Make the choice to have a better life for you and your children if you have any. Become victorious by becoming a survivor and not continuing to live as a victim... Know and believe that you deserve better including if you are self inflicting yourself with abuse of any kind. Choose to get help and to live without that as a part of your life.

Abuse Affects You In More Ways Than You Most Would Think

Abuse affects you in more ways than you most would think, it can affect you mentally, physically (be it actually hitting you or physically in that you become sick vomiting, pains etc from the abuse even if not being hit), emotionally, mentally, spiritually, etc It wreaks havoc on you in so many ways it can also affect your kids even if they aren't being hit. It can cause them the same pains as above. It can also affect your relationship with your children/family if you stay and stay they can come to resent you and in some cases hate you and disrespect you because you didn't respect yourself enough to get out and stay out. The physical if being hit, it can leave you with broken bones, bruises, and organ issues from the force of the hitting, the bruises and bones many heal but the emotional affects are there long after the body heals if he/she doesn't kill you first. The other physical/emotional/mental issues can cause vomiting, night terrors, night sweats, anxiety, panic attacks, brokenness in your emotions, uncontrollable crying when you least expect it, anger from you at others even when they haven't done anything wrong. The list goes on and on in how it can affect you, your mind, your body, your future relationships, your relationships with family and/or friends, etc Abuse affects more than just you....  Trust me it can and does happen in the above ways I have described.  tcc Revised version

Not All Abusers Are Spouses And/Or Boyfriends/Girlfriends

Not all abusers are spouses and/or boyfriends/girlfriends sometimes they can be strangers, family or friends and not all abuses is physical, I can be verbal, emotional or mental abuse. Abuse as you see comes in many forms and can be from anyone anywhere anytime so beware...

Do You Feel Alone, Insecure, Mislead, Hurt, Angry, Disappointed, Afraid, Dismayed, etc? If You Said Yes, You're Not Alone...

Do you feel alone, insecure, mislead, hurt, angry, disappointed, afraid, dismayed, etc? If you I want you to know that you are not alone. There are so many more inn this world that feel as you do even when you feel you must be the only one feeling like that. Domestic violence knows no social boundaries, no economic boundaries, it can affect anyone in any country in any town and even in any church. It has no preference and no shame. Domestic violence is such an ugly part of our society today and has been for decades upon decades. It is sad that it happens so frequently and many if not all times the victim will try to justify the abuse as being something they said or did. I know I did the same thing every time I was in an abusive relationship/marriage. I made excuse after excuse after excuse instead of seeing it for what it was their angry being transferred through them via abuse to me and it's the same in you or situation as well if you are in fact being abused. We may give them reason to be angry but it in no way is an excuse for them to be abusive. Victims live in torment yet we have to choose to get out when can do so safely and we must choose not to return to that abusive person. You must think enough of yourself to know that you and your children deserve better. also by you or staying in the situation it sets your children up to be abused while there and/or to grow up to be abusive and/or in abusive relationships themselves. I realized this too late and by not only being in abusive relationships/marriages I set a very bad example for my children when I was. I have now been alone per se since 2007 vs being abused. That is not to say I will never be in another relationship/marriage it is just to say I'd rather be alone than abused. It takes courage to get out, but you have it if you dig deep within to find the courage and to get get support from others and to make a plan to get out of the abusive situation.
 

"Your Choices of Anger; Don't Let It Control You, Instead You Must Control It"

Anger is something that we must all deal with. The way we deal with it is what makes or breaks us and others.If we allow our anger to take over as abusers do, then we are as they are and we risk hurting someone be it physical, mental, emotional etc.We can be angry and yet not hurt others or we can let our anger consume us to the breaking point and that is what an abuser does. They feel it festering up,  yet rather than dealing with it they let it deal with them and it is then it turns to hurting themselves or others. It's okay to get angry at injustices and other things but we have to be careful not to allow it to turn to abuse. Prayer is the most effective tool against anger and next is to get to the root of your anger and to stop the anger so you can to see why you are so angry whether you are the abuser or the abused. Many times abused men and /or women end up angry inside and find it hard to deal with the angry, but deal with it we must so that it doesn't deal with us.. It can be a vicious cycle, the angry abuser hurts the abused one and then the abused one becomes angry at the abuser and themselves. It is a cycle however that God can end if we allow Him too. we have to be ready to let go of the abuser and the anger we have. Most stay with an abuser because they feel they can love them enough for them to change, but we can't. I do believe God can change an abuser and heal the abused if they will allow Him too, however do be careful that abuser ha truly been delivered and not only acting as if he/she has changed. Let go of your anger and let go of your abuser.

You Are Not The Cause Of Their Violence Their Own Anger Is...

When you're in an abusive relationship remember that their violence against you isn't because of you, it's because of their own anger that they don't know how to control. There are many reasons for their abuse but their is no excuse and none are your fault no matter what he/she may say. If you are in an abusive relationship/marriage I urge you to get help and get out asap. Do not stay until it is too late to get out. tcc

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome"

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome" 
I believe many women/men who have been in or are still in abusive relationships/marriages have what I call "The Puppy Dog Syndrome" where we see what appears to be a hurting adorable loving man, much like an adorable loving puppy who seems to need us when in fact they are a biting breed only their bites are from their words and fists. We see them as the first and think, Oh I can help him/her because he/she has been hurt and needs me then we realize they aren't so adorable and loving, then we think, Oh it's alright because I can love him/her enough for them to change. Well sadly ladies and gentlemen you can't love them enough for them change especially when they don't want to change. They may have many reasons for the abuse they give out but in reality their is no excuse. They refuse to get help and are sure to blame you for their abuse many were abused themselves and /or saw their parent abused yet they choose not to break the cycle instead of breaking you and if they don't then you have to break the cycle of violence you are enduring by getting out safely asap. Do not let yourself get into The Puppy Dog Syndrome again. I did it over and over and it has cost me dearly and it nearly cost me my life and possibly that of my children more than once. Be wiser, choose wiser and be safe. tcc

Take The Negative Hurt In Your Life And Turn It To A Positive

For years the childhood sexual abuse haunted and nearly destroyed me, but now I take my pain and turn it to positive energy to try to tell others that they are not a defined by the abuse the y endured and that they can begin living as survivors and also help others for in helping others know that they can make it through it we in turn help reassure ourselves. We have lived through it and must not continue to live in it in our mind over and over daily. It isn't easy but it can be done. I wish I could take away your pain, but I can't but I can tell you as a survivor myself that when you use the negative as a positive it does make life easier for you emotionally and in many other ways. We can't change what was done to us, but we can help others because we went through it too.  tcc