I am a victim turned survivor of childhood sexual abuse, adulthood domestic abuse, homelessness, severe obesity and more. From the ages of 7-10 I was abused by multiple males at different times, then we moved when I was 10 and for a time it stopped then it started again at age 13 or so with two different males on and off for a year or so and then at at 15- 16 one of the first males tried it again by then I'd heard of statutory rape and told him if he didn't stop he would go to jail. He never touched me again. I married at 18 then he stopped work two weeks after we got married and I continued working, not knowing when I married him that he would ever put his hands on me inappropriately, slapping, throwing me and choking me which started a few months after we were married and I thought I was pregnant, he became very angry and chased me through the place we lived in and choked me in the hall I got away and ran into our room (I couldn't get to the outside door) to shut the door he got in and slung me around like a rag doll. His mother had heard the commotion from nearby and came in and got mad not because her son was slinging me and choking me but because she was afraid the neighbors would hear. (I paid her rent for the trailer we lived in next to her home). It wasn't the first time he had hit me. During our marriage I did get pregnant and then I lost the baby when I was beginning my 5th month of the term I had named her Vanessa Rene', I lost her in the Dr's office during a visit it turns out I was miscarrying and the Dr put her in a bottle and sent her with me to the hospital. He refused to be with me when I had gone to the ER a few days early and I was told to go home and when the miscarriage was over to come back and they would do a D&C. After that marriage I met a man we got married he got 10 years for robbery, I waited for nearly 4 years then he asked for a divorce. I met my children's dad and we had three children together. I was with him 15 1/2 years it was during that time about 9 yrs in into it that I gained weight due to depression leaving me at about 400 of (which I have now lost 190 pounds of the original weight now leaving me about 70 pounds yet to lose) and then the kids and I were homeless for 2 1/2 years after he and I split. I was trying to go to college raising three kids while homeless I had to drop out. I left and moved back to my home state of Indiana with my two youngest children as by this time my teen son's girlfriend became pregnant and he wanted to stay there to help her raise the baby at her parents home. We were living on Cape Cod at the time and I couldn't afford to stay and rent a place. It broke my heart to move so far from him but the counselor had threatened to have social services take all three of my children because we were homeless so I had to leave and go near my mom where we could be get a home. We left in 2001 and then I met the man that I was married to until 2008, he turned out to be a very dangerous man more dangerous that I could have ever imagined with what the Dr's would call multiple personalities but what I call demons, he had 44 names and 4 known voices and at one point he attempted to take me off to kill me. He had even told me where he was going to dump my body had he succeed the night he attacked me. He would howl like an animal saying he was a wolf spirit, he ate raw buffalo meat bought at an Amish farm. He would go around our property marking it like an animal and his appearance could even change without notice while standing in front of me. His face would be distorted and he would growl and howl. That's just a piece of the story with him He was verbally and physically assaulting to me. I left him in 2007 and I have been single since then. I have made many many bad choices in my life that caused me hurt and my kid much hurt even though I never intended for them to be hurt, it did cause them much emotional distress for which I am so sorry for they had to endure the sound of the arguments and the fear we all went through due to his abuse (their step dad at the time) and the arguing between their dad and I over issues. God has brought me through so much that I might help others with what I went through by telling them that they too can get out and can make it with His help. I am not angry at God and I never was even when I didn't understand at the time why I had to endure such things as a child and adult and this is only the tip of the iceburg. God has been my salvation and my strength even when I felt I didn't deserve it. He has used the bad in my life to witness to others on the streets when I meet someone going through the same or that has gone through it already. I blog about it all in hopes to continue to help others. I hope to be invited to churches, conferences, seminars etc to let others know that even if they have and / or are going through the same that they too can be survivors with God's help. I still struggle at times with the negative words I have heard from others about me but I will not allow them to rule and ruin me. God has brought me too far. I stand on His Jer. 29:11 Jer. 33:3 Hab. 2:3 Rom. 8:28 and Heb 11:1 and all other scriptures of His promises for me and you.. So know that you are not alone for God is there and I am here if you need to talk. tcc
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