Who are survivors like us? They are anyone who have been abused on any level and who have survived abuse and other obstacles and challenges in their lives, such as childhood sexual abuse, domestic abuse, mental/emotional abuse, bullying (which is also abuse), depression, anxiety, panic attacks and obesity (which can be self abuse at times when not a medical issue) just to name a few. We have to remember we must not live our lives as victims but rather as survivors. yes the moment something horrible happens in our lives such as the above we are victims, however we must choose to not live as such, but to rather pull ourselves up out of that pit and move forward in our lives in spite of what statistics show. We must not let our abuse define, but us rather we must define it and show others we can make it in spite of the challenges and pain we have gone through. We must hold our heads high with pride, but not with arrogance, we must remain humble and compassionate rather than bitter and angry. We and survivors like us must take control of the pain and not allow it to control us. It isn't always easy and it too me many years to let go of it and be able to realize I am not who my abusers said I was and neither is anyone who has been bused. We can use our past hurts as a clear and present tool to help others who have or are still going through abuse, bullying, obesity etc. Know that you can become more than a victim you can like me and others like me be a survivor...I have in my lifetime endured at one time or another all of the above I have listed, so I know first hand the pain and trauma those things can bring to our lives. I know the endless nights of crying and feeling unworthy of better. I know the emotional pain of feeling you deserve what the abuser hands out to you be it physical or verbal. I know the feeling of thinking I am disgusting due to my self abuse via my weight gain when I was 350 pounds. I didn't see it as that at the time of course, but I feel God has opened my eyes to many things I didn't see about myself before, both good and bad and that I do deserve to be treated better. So stand up for yourself and don't deny the bad about you as well as the good. Change what needs to be changed and hold on to the good that doesn't. No matter who we are no one deserves any kind of abuse. If you feel you could yourself be abusive then please step away from the person or situation til you know you have your anger in control, it may not be a deliberate anger or abuse it may be that you raise your voice more than you now you should or that you say things you never thought you would, but it came out anyway, whatever the reason remove yourself safely and gain control. Remember not everyone who raises their voices or says something they regret is abusive, they may just need to step back for a time. You must stop blaming yourself for the abuse you endured even if others blame you by saying, Well you got what you deserved because you stayed, or they said, Well, you must have done or set something to set him/her off, etc the list of blame on the victim/survivor goes on and on, but you can cut them off in a polite manner and stop listening to such things. yes it is best to get out if you can safely and I dare to say there are times the person is to blame for being in the situation if they have left the person and then returned to them not out of fear of retaliation but out of fear of being alone. I was like that until 2007 when I finally broke away and stayed away from a marriage of domestic violence that nearly cost me my life and that have cost my children theirs (when I was with their then step-dad). Please if you are in a marriage/relationship of domestic violence and want to get away, do not let the abuser know that you are leaving him/her, instead make a safe plan, get a support group of family/friends to help you make arrangements for a safe place for you and your children if you have any. Be careful. Now if you are fighting weight then that is a battle within yourself that you can and will win if you do not give up.I have lost over 150 and I am still not at my goal but I am not at my past weight either which as stated earlier was 350 pounds. Keep telling yourself that you can do this and then keep trying. I am not a Dr nor a counselor, I am just a woman who has gone through a lot including all of the above listed and survived and who can now smile and laugh more than I cry and I now know that I deserve better than any abuse I have gone through and so do you. This page is for both men and women because many do not realize that many men are living in a life of abuse where they are the victims and not the abusers. So lets unite as one to encourage one another no matter our sexual gender. By Teresa Causey-Christian
