Possible Reactions To Abusive Actions

All abuse will cause you emotional and other issues at the time of the abuse, the issues from the abuse can also follow you into your relationship, marriage, and even into your parenting. 

What can you do? 

The first thing you have to realize is that the once you are away from the abuser/s and with someone else that they are not the one who caused you the pain you are /had and/or are having. Many times even though we feel we trust the one we may currently be with, we could be secretly waiting for them to attack and hence cause us issues in that relationship due to our own fears. We become so defensive with them that we react to what isn't even happening at the time. That is not to say that we are crazy, but that our fears are not allowing us to enjoy being with someone and being happy. One may tend to be withdrawn more than one should be, one may also be overly clingy in fear of being left, there are so many scenarios that could cause us to subconsciously sabotage our relationships and our own happiness and relationships. We need to deal with what happened to us in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone in our lives be it a boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, children or others. I know there are still times that triggers will bring back a memory or even a flood of memories of my abusers. It can be a simple word, a smell, a sound, someone looking like one of my abusers or even should I see one of them in public, that is not to say I run in fear because now I don't I can now see them and not panic, but it does at times cause a waves of inner emotions, but I am still able to walk and hold my head high in spite of their past actions. I mentioned it can cause issues in our parenting and you ask how is that?  Well if you ave unresolved issues and pain from the past it cause you to be less patient, more verbal and perhaps even using a higher pitch in your voice than normal,that is not to say you are abusing your children it just means you may need to take a minute and take a breath before continuing what you were doing at the time. It is better if you are having a flashback and feeling anxious to step back and calm down. Don't let your reactions to cause you to do a negative action be it verbal or otherwise. tcc                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

We Need To Speak Out And Reach Out...

It needs to be brought to light in the public arena's as well as churches. People would be surprised how many who sit in church are being abused, I know because when I married we both went to church together but no one there knew once we left the church how verbally assaulting he was and how he later was going to kill me.. Now that is not to say all who go to church are abusers, it is just an example that there are those there who are abusers and those who have been or are being abused. I have thought for many years that  perhaps classes at church that offer encouragement and support for those who have been or are being abused whatever the form of abuse may be should be implemented. If the church doesn't have the means to have classes could at least touch on the subject at times during the regular services with an offer to listen to someone privately if needed and to provide, flyers, brochures, contacts for support. Domestic violence isn't just in adults but also in teens dating so we need to help both adults and teens from bullying and domestic violence as well as sexual abuse and other forms of abuse.  tcc

You Can't Love Someone Enough To Make Them Change

You can't change anyone period, you can't love them enough to have them want to change, although you can be a positive influences in their lives to help them see there is a better way. (That is not to say if you are in an abusive situation that you should stay, if that is the case and you can safely get out then please do get out.) Change comes from the inside of a person wanting to change, not from others trying to change them.
They have to change themselves... tcc

Don't Let Others Make you Feel Bad About Yourself...

Do not let others words/actions make you feel bad about yourself for being in or having been in an abusive relationship/marriage. It's one thing for someone to feel frustrated and concerned about not being able to make those they love realize they need to get out of that abusive situation, but being frustrated and concerned doesn't give them the right to belittle you and make rude comments about you. People will say things such as, Well you sure can pic them can't you, or You must be stupid to You've made bad choices about men so you should never marry again. I myself have heard those as well as many more over the years and I must say it cuts like a knife through your emotions, I already know I've made bad choices in men and in staying as long as I did, that is true, however it doesn't make me stupid,nor does it mean I should spend the rest of my life alone. They mean well in their concern it's just that they just need to learn what to say and what not to say in expressing that concern. So even though we made/make bad choices be it about those in our lives or other things it doesn't mean we should be made to feel like we are unworthy of love and respect...

Release Your Pain Through Tears Without Losing Yourself...

There are times we all need to cry and it helps to release the pain we are feeling, just be careful not to let the tears and pain consume you.... tcc

Ride The Waves Through Your Tears, Don't Drown In Them...

There are times we all need to cry and  it helps to release the pain we are feeling, just be careful not to let the tears and pain consume you.... tcc

There Will Come A Time In Your Life When You No Longer Deal With Your Abuse Through Tears And Tears

There will come a time in your life when you no longer deal with your abuse through fears and tears, you will be able to walk and talk with your head held high and strong. I am now able to talk about it without fears and tears. There are some however think I don't deal with it because I am not always upset over what happened to me, the think is that's wrong I have dealt with it and that is why I am able to not be in total fear and tears all the time. I spent years not dealing with the sexual abuse and domestic violence and I didn't handle it well it and it showed on my daily life and in raising my children. I was hurt, angry, bitter, resentful etc and then a few years ago my heart changed and I don't have to have those feelings daily, now that's not to say at times I don't still have to ask God not to let me start feeling those things again or if they are already there due to a trigger that set them off in my heart again. It took me years to get to that point and I don't ever want to go back to that point even if it means others think I have just swept it under the rug. I have seen my sexual abusers when out in public over the years and I now can stand strong and not run and hide every time
 as I once did. tcc