Abuse Isn't Always Physical

Abuse isn't always just physical, at times it even leaves out the physical hitting etc, instead some abusers rely on control, verbal assaults and dictation etc. They feed on making you feel like you are stupid, incompetent, hair brained, unlovable by anyone but them among many other things. Abuse can come from a spouse, a boyfriend, girlfriend, family member etc it knows no boundary until we set one for it by standing up for ourselves and saying No more abuses no matter who is doling it out. Be aware though that sing no can not always be done in the moment there are many times you must make plans to say no by making plans ahead of the no more plan by getting a support system of people and getting a plan for a safe escape. Safety for you and your children (if children are involved)

You Are Not Alone

If you are a survivor of abuse you are not alone there are thousands upon thousands who have been through it or are still going through abuse. If you are still in an abusive situation then I urge you to make a safe plan for escape asap, get a support system going before hand and do not let your abuser know you are even thinking of leaving. Safety first for you and your children should they be with you.

Not All Survivors Of Abuse Are Just Women ( Some Men Are Abused As Well)

Not enough is said to open others eyes that here is a percentage of men who are actually the abused and not the abuser. Many times they are too ashamed o step forward because being a man society has made them feel they are less than a man if they are being abused by a woman. Men and women alike feel less about themselves because society tells them they are weak, stupid, crazy for being with someone who is abusive, when it's not about that, it's about control, the abuser having control of their emotions, their self worth (the abuser leaves them feeling they have no self worth), it's about fear not only of the abuser but in many cases of being alone. now I realize many are sitting there saying WHAT? How can they be afraid of being alone when they are being abused, well many abusers convince the person that they are not worthy of anyone else love, that no one else would want them, that they are hair brained (as in my case that was one of the many things I was told) etc. Do not look at those in an  abusive relationship as stupid, but as human who feel prey to an abusers smooth talking in the beginning to his foul verbally assaulting mouth to his physically assaulting hands. You can never fully understand it unless you have been there. I know first hand, because I was there myself, not with just one man but with two who were physically/mentally/emotionally abusive and others who were mentally/emotionally abusive, etc... So if you see someone in an abusive relationship don't judge them whether they are a man or woman, instead offer to help if you can. If they refuse don't take it that they like being abused and in that situation, rather take it as they are not mentally ready yet to get out. Sadly many wait til it is too late. Many men and women are abused daily.. It's in my opinion almost at epidemic proportions now for both. tcc

You Are Not Your Past

Your past doesn't define you, how you are dealing with that past can make or break you. If we dwell on our bad choices they will consume us. Our choice to be with those who hurt us. Now that's not to say that their abusing us was our fault , because it wasn't. We choice to stay with them whether out of fear of retaliation from them via more abuse or death, whether it was because they convinced us we deserved what we got from them, that they convinced us we weren't good enough for anyone else that no one else would want damaged goods. Well I am here to tell you e are not damaged goods, because we are not a commodity, we are human beings and we have the right to expect respect in spite of our choices and our past situations. People will stop beating us up with their hands once we leave, however there are others who will continue to beat us up with their words if we continue to allow them to. We can choose to listen to their harsh words or we can choose to tell them that what you say to others about me I cannot put a stop to, but what you say to me I can put a stop to by refusing to allow them to continue it. We have a choice we can stay and listen or we can refuse to. When we have made a change for the better then our past is just that the past. Stand proud (not arrogantly) stand firm, (not rudely) stand strong, (not bitter) and you will see and feel a difference in yourself even of others refuses to see it. tcc

Abuse Comes In Many Forms

Abuse comes in many forms some inflicted by others and some inflicted by ourselves as in my case over eating due to trauma in my life. I had to realize that although others may be a part of the reason they are not an excuse for me to over eat. I did it as a comfort, not because I was actually hungry. Are we bad and disgusting people for emotional eaters? I say no, we are a hurting people and once we learn to move forward we will grow emotionally and less physically from over eating. Now if you are working on this and find you still at times binge, please don't beat yourself up emotionally over it. Keep moving forward. Don't starve yourself either. I don't diet, I just try not to overeat, have I still done that at times when stress hits, yes I have, however I don't do it every time I am stressed now. See my progress at
http://tchristi41.blogspot.com/ I will be updated as I can.

Words vs Physical Assualts

Both verbal and physical assaults hurt and they can both cause a lifetime of pain, however we must choose to live as survivors of both and not as victims of them. I speak from experience as I am a survivor of both and after years of living as a victim of my past hurts both verbal and physical I have finally been able to learn to live a survivor and I am now living through my past and not living in it. These attacks can come for many different reasons and from the same or different people, sexual assault as a child and/or an adult, etc. Do not allow the abuse to define you... tcc

See Your Changes Even If Others Refuse Too See Them...

There will be times in your life when others refuse to see the pain you've gone through in life (be it physical and/or emotional) and to see how hard you have worked to change yourself and the bad choices you've made over the years. It doesn't make what you've done to change any less valuable. Don't allow the negative words/actions of others keep you from moving forward with the changes you are making in your life. Do your best to be your best. Keep doing your best to do what is right...