You Are Not The Cause Of Their Violence Their Own Anger Is...

When you're in an abusive relationship remember that their violence against you isn't because of you, it's because of their own anger that they don't know how to control. There are many reasons for their abuse but their is no excuse and none are your fault no matter what he/she may say. If you are in an abusive relationship/marriage I urge you to get help and get out asap. Do not stay until it is too late to get out. tcc

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome"

"The Puppy Dog Syndrome" 
I believe many women/men who have been in or are still in abusive relationships/marriages have what I call "The Puppy Dog Syndrome" where we see what appears to be a hurting adorable loving man, much like an adorable loving puppy who seems to need us when in fact they are a biting breed only their bites are from their words and fists. We see them as the first and think, Oh I can help him/her because he/she has been hurt and needs me then we realize they aren't so adorable and loving, then we think, Oh it's alright because I can love him/her enough for them to change. Well sadly ladies and gentlemen you can't love them enough for them change especially when they don't want to change. They may have many reasons for the abuse they give out but in reality their is no excuse. They refuse to get help and are sure to blame you for their abuse many were abused themselves and /or saw their parent abused yet they choose not to break the cycle instead of breaking you and if they don't then you have to break the cycle of violence you are enduring by getting out safely asap. Do not let yourself get into The Puppy Dog Syndrome again. I did it over and over and it has cost me dearly and it nearly cost me my life and possibly that of my children more than once. Be wiser, choose wiser and be safe. tcc

Take The Negative Hurt In Your Life And Turn It To A Positive

For years the childhood sexual abuse haunted and nearly destroyed me, but now I take my pain and turn it to positive energy to try to tell others that they are not a defined by the abuse the y endured and that they can begin living as survivors and also help others for in helping others know that they can make it through it we in turn help reassure ourselves. We have lived through it and must not continue to live in it in our mind over and over daily. It isn't easy but it can be done. I wish I could take away your pain, but I can't but I can tell you as a survivor myself that when you use the negative as a positive it does make life easier for you emotionally and in many other ways. We can't change what was done to us, but we can help others because we went through it too.  tcc

Many Do Not Realize The Mental And Physical Control An Abuser Has Over His/Her Victims

Many do not realize the mental and physical control an abuser has over his/her victims. The stress, pain, hurt, self doubt, lack of self worth and more that the victim feels while with the abuser. They tear their victims to shreds with words and convince them they don't deserve better as well as the physical pain most abusers inflict. It isn't as easy to walk away as some may think, as many are terrified to leave afraid of being hurt/killed or their children being hurt/killed. Many times the abusers convinces the victim they have changed and many of them use religion ( I am a Christian and was married to an abusive man who used the church to hide behind) as a front that they have changed and the victim goes back in hopes the person changed and in a rare occasion they may have, but I have learned from experience they don't all change. So many look down on the victims as losers, enablers, stupid etc., but unless others have been through it hey can't even begin to realize what the victim went through. And even when we get out we wonder how we could have stayed and put ourselves and our children through it and when we see others in what we were once in we should say get out, but many times the victims stays in like we did until the breaking point if it isn't too late.

Overcoming The Obtacles in Life That Come At You

We can overcome the obstacles and hurts of this world with God's love and help, some of those may be including but not limited to the domestic violence, obesity, self hate, others hate, insecurities, just to name a few. We can overcome and stop being victims and start being survivors of life and people. We can choose to live as we have or live as we should and overcome these obstacles in life. Overcoming isn't always easy, however I am proof it can happen and that you too can overcome living in a relationship of domestic violence, overcome the perils of being sexually abused as a child, overcome obesity, self hate, hate of others, bitterness and so much more. We must choose to step forward and out of the relationships and things in life that are controlling us. An abuser will convince us that we are weak and unworthy of better, but I am here to tell you that you are stronger then they or you think and that you are worthy of better. Stand for yourself even though they stand against you. Do not let the brokenness they have caused keep you broken, you can mend and heal. By tcc

Words An Abuser Uses To Keep A Hold On You

When living in domestic violence the abuser will tell you what he thinks you need/want to hear as well as things to blame you for their actions/words to include but not limited to the following, Things you want/need to hear may be, I'm sorry honey I promise it will never happen again, It was an accident, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it that way, don't cry baby it will all be okay, I can't make it without you baby,... Now the way he/she will blame you... It's your fault, you always know how to push my buttons, I told you to stop that but no you just had to do what you wanted, what do you expect when you dress like that (even though you may be dressed for church he/she will use that), you know how mad I get yet, if you leave and I kill myself then it will be your fault because you didn't stay and try, among thousands of their things an abuser will use to try to scare and manipulate you into ... None of things are acceptable, the things you may feel you need to hear are generally lies they tell you to keep you holding on and the things they blame on you also is too keep you holding on... Do not stay out of guilt, make a safe plan without the abuser knowing what you are doing, get a support group of family/friends to help you make the safe plan. by tcc Please check out the following site for help and apps to help keep you safe and get help https://www.whengeorgiasmiled.org/

Do Not Let The Abuse You Have Endured Define You

Do not let the abuse you have endured define you whether you are a male or female being abused. You choose who you are not your abuser, don't let that person convince you that you are unworthy, unattractive, ignorant, unable to make your own decisions, etc. Those plus many other things are what abusers will try to convince you is the truth. They will belittle you and make you feel unworthy of anyone else's love but it is all lies. Those of who were abused and those who are still being abused need to know that they/you are not alone and that you are not the negative things an abuser says. You are better than what they say you were/are, you just have to believe it. If you are being abused, please get a support system of family and friends and make a plan to get yourself and your children out (if you have children) out safely. So again do not let the abuse you endured define you, instead you define who you are and what you will and won't allow in your and your children's lives, relationships. I wish I had chosen better before when my children were younger when I was with their now ex step dad who was abusive. I can change that I was with him and had him around my children, but I can choose to be more careful in whom I allow in my life and that of my children/grandchildren. Be selective and be careful.
By Teresa Causey-Christian  tcc