Domestic Violence Laws Need to Be Stronger

Domestic violence is rampant and sadly the laws are too slack to actually protect most if not all of the victims/survivors. 
There needs to be more support for the victims/survivors and harsher laws for the abusers in DV situations.

If you are in a situation of DV please get our asap don't keep staying in that relationship.

As a survivor of DV myself, I know how scary it can be in the relationship and how scary it can be trying to get out of it alive, I almost didn't make it out alive in 2002 and he even said my children might not have lived meaning if I hadn't gotten away. (He was their step dad.)
If you are a victim or survivor of DV and you need someone to talk to please feel free to message me as a part of your support system whether your a female or a male victim/survivor. I'm not a licensed counsel, but I did live in those types of relationships from 1979 at a 18 years old until 2007 when I got out of those types of relationships. Therefore I know the hardships, the emotions it can cause and the pain. 

Victims Do Not Want The Abuse Nor Do They Stay Because They Have No Shame...

Being a survivor of domestic abuse myself I can say without a doubt that a victim of abuse never goes back because they love beatings nor that they have no shame as someone recently stated they felt women went back for those reasons, many go back out of fear of what the abuser will do to then or their family if the don't go back. Many are conditioned to the abuse slowly at first then more aggressively and unelss someone has been in such a situation they cannot fully understand what a victim goes through. It took me from 18 to 47 to break free of abusive males and when I did it was such a relief. I have now been alone since 2007 and free of abuse. Abuse isn't about love it's about control over the victim. No one being abused wants it or deserves it. They need to know their worth because the abuser has convinced them that they have no worth. Not all can get out fast or easy sometimes it takes planning and sometimes it takes running. tcc

Copyright © Teresa Causey-Christian 2015 All Rights Reserved. No part of this blog may be reproduced without Teresa Causey-Christian's expressed consent.

Don't Blame The Victim/Survivor...

Women who are with abusive men and men with abusive women usually didn't know in the beginning that he/she was an abuser. They put on a sweet persona making you believe they are someone they aren't. They start out being kind, loving, gentle then one day their true colors appear in the for of verbal assaults at first then to physical ones usually. They tell them they are nothing, no one else will want someone like her, that she isn't worth anything, that she is hair brained and so much more. They brain wash them and leave them feeling worthless then they turn around and tell them. How wonderful they are, how smart they are then when they get mad its back to the assaults. It keeps you off track, unsure of who she even is. They also usually threaten them with more violence wither on them or a loved one. They keep you from family and friends. The woman/man is left in a state of emotional stress, despair, low,self esteem and much more. It can take years for a woman/man to finally get away not because she/he doesn't want free but because she/he is convinced the abuser is right about them and more often because they are terrified. It took me years and for God to deliver me from abusive relationships/marriages, but I was finally freed in 2007. From the time I was 18 until I was 47 I was either married or in a relationship and most were physically abusive except for my children's dad he never hit me there were other issues in that situation. I decided it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong one for even a minute. Perhaps someday God has someone for me. I've been on my own just me and God since 2007. Victims in an abusive relationship aren't bad people just confused and need God to help to them get out. Its not their fault the mam/woman is abusive but they do need to get out as not to enable him to continue to be abusive to her by staying...

Live As A Survivor And Change Your Own Life...

Just because you were made a victim by someone else or even yourself (self abuse  to include but not limited to via cutting, obesity, etc) doesn't mean you have to stay one, instead become a survivor... You can live as survivor and change your own life...We can choose to live in the victim mentality or we can choose to live in the survivor mentality, you may ask how can you do that with what you've been through. You can do it by choosing to forgive the abuser whether it was someone else or yourself via self abuse as stated above. You may not be able to forget what happened, but forgiving will help you heal and it will help concerning the the anger you may be holding onto due to the abuse. We can't change the fact that we were abused, but we can change how we deal with what we went through. Don't let it consume you, nor bring you down to the point of not being able to function, nor to the point of giving up. You are stronger than you even know, you're here, you're alive and you're a survivor just like me... So Live As A Survivor And Change Your Own Life...
tcc

You Can Be A Survivor

Don't think that because you are victim now that you can't become a survivor, because you can. Becoming a survivor is something that every victim can obtain. It may not seem easy and at times it may even seem impossible, but trust me it can happen. Be determined, be vigilant, be aware and ready to get out and to safety. Make a plan, make contacts, make a support system if you have time. If  you feel you can't get out safely and you're in danger please call 911. To become a survivor you must get out to survive. You can't love your abuser enough to make him/her change, they have to want to change which sadly not all do.  tcc

The Abuse I Endured Is Not Who I Am, But What I Went Through

I am a victim turned survivor of childhood sexual abuse, adulthood domestic abuse, homelessness, severe obesity and more. From the ages of 7-10 I was abused by multiple males at different times, then we moved when I was 10 and for a time it stopped then it started again at age 13 or so with two different males on and off for a year or so and then at at 15- 16 one of the first males tried it again by then I'd heard of statutory rape and told him if he didn't stop he would go to jail. He never touched me again. I married at 18 then he stopped work two weeks after we got married and I continued working, not knowing when I married him that he would ever put his hands on me inappropriately, slapping, throwing me and choking me which started a few months after we were married and I thought I was pregnant, he became very angry and chased me through the place we lived in and choked me in the hall I got away and ran into our room (I couldn't get to the outside door) to shut the door he got in and slung me around like a rag doll. His mother had heard the commotion from nearby and came in and got mad not because her son was slinging me and choking me but because she was afraid the neighbors would hear. (I paid her rent for the trailer we lived in next to her home). It wasn't the first time he had hit me. During our marriage I did get pregnant and then I lost the baby when I was beginning my 5th month of the term I had named her Vanessa Rene', I lost her in the Dr's office during a visit it turns out I was miscarrying and the Dr put her in a bottle and sent her with me to the hospital. He refused to be with me when I had gone to the ER a few days early and I was told to go home and when the miscarriage was over to come back and they would do a D&C. After that marriage I met a man we got married he got 10 years for robbery, I waited for nearly 4 years then he asked for a divorce. I met my children's dad and we had three children together. I was with him 15 1/2 years it was during that time about 9 yrs in into it that I gained weight due to depression leaving me at about 400 of (which I have now lost 190 pounds of the original weight now leaving me about 70 pounds yet to lose) and then the kids and I were homeless for 2 1/2 years after he and I split. I was trying to go to college raising three kids while homeless I had to drop out. I left and moved back to my home state of Indiana with my two youngest children as by this time my teen son's girlfriend became pregnant and he wanted to stay there to help her raise the baby at her parents home. We were living on Cape Cod at the time and I couldn't afford to stay and rent a place. It broke my heart to move so far from him but the counselor had threatened to have social services take all three of my children because we were homeless so I had to leave and go near my mom where we could be get a home. We left in 2001 and then I met the man that I was married to until 2008, he turned out to be a very dangerous man more dangerous that I could have ever imagined with what the Dr's would call multiple personalities but what I call demons, he had 44 names and 4 known voices and at one point he attempted to take me off to kill me. He had even told me where he was going to dump my body had he succeed the night he attacked me. He would howl like an animal saying he was a wolf spirit, he ate raw buffalo meat bought at an Amish farm. He would go around our property marking it like an animal and his appearance could even change without notice while standing in front of me. His face would be distorted and he would growl and howl. That's just a piece of the story with him He was verbally and physically assaulting to me.  I left him in 2007 and I have been single since then. I have made many many bad choices in my life that caused me hurt and my kid much hurt even though I never intended for them to be hurt, it did cause them much emotional distress for which I am so sorry for they had to endure the sound of the arguments and the fear we all went through due to his abuse (their step dad at the time) and the arguing between their dad and I over issues. God has brought me through so much that I might help others with what I went through by telling them that they too can get out and can make it with His help. I am not angry at God and I never was even when I didn't understand at the time why I had to endure such things as a child and adult and this is only the tip of the iceburg. God has been my salvation and my strength even when I felt I didn't deserve it. He has used the bad in my life to witness to others on the streets when I meet someone going through the same or that has gone through it already. I blog about it all in hopes to continue to help others. I hope to be invited to churches, conferences, seminars etc to let others know that even if they have and / or are going through the same that they too can be survivors with God's help. I still struggle at times with the negative words I have heard from others about me but I will not allow them to rule and ruin me. God has brought me too far. I stand on His Jer. 29:11  Jer. 33:3 Hab. 2:3 Rom. 8:28 and Heb 11:1 and all other scriptures of His promises for me and you.. So know that you are not alone for God is there and I am here if you need to talk. tcc