Monday, September 30, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Some People Say To Forget And To Forgive...
Some people say to forget and to forgive, yet forgiving is much easier for me than forgetting. Rather than looking at the past as something I should forget I look at it as a tool to help others to know that they too can survive their past and hopefully their present if they make a choice to safely get out of the situation. I cannot say 100% that all who leave will still be safe, but they may a better chance of survival. You must also make plans for a safe exist in an abusive relationship/marriage. Once out be aware of your surroundings. It may take time to forgive but when you do it will help you to heal. Forgiving benefits you spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. It will in my opinion release their emotional control over you once you are away from the abuser. So please forgive and if the memories are still present allow them to be a postive tool to show others how far you have come and to help others.
Pain Changes People, You Must Choose How It Changes You...
Pain changes people, but the change for the worst or better is up to
you.. Don't let it control you or make your bitter and angry instead use
it to grow and help others... tcc
Monday, September 16, 2013
Stand Strong
Some may break our hearts, but they can't break our spirits,
they may reject and replace us, but they can never find one who will love them as we do,
they may ignore us and be silent to try to cause us pain, but they can't take away our worth
they can do many things but we can choose to keep allowing it to happen
or we can stop them by ignoring their efforts
Do not give way to others words and/or actions or the lack thereof
We must keep standing strong even when we and/or others may think we will fall
they may reject and replace us, but they can never find one who will love them as we do,
they may ignore us and be silent to try to cause us pain, but they can't take away our worth
they can do many things but we can choose to keep allowing it to happen
or we can stop them by ignoring their efforts
Do not give way to others words and/or actions or the lack thereof
We must keep standing strong even when we and/or others may think we will fall
Sunday, September 15, 2013
We All Have Dreams And Even At Nearly 53 I Still Have Dreams I Want To Fulfill...
I
was thinking about one of my dreams to become a public speaker to
include but not limited to the subjects of childhood sexual abuse,
domestic abuse as well as mental and emotional abuse, homelessness and
obesity plus other areas I have experienced myself all of which I am a
survivor of... I would also love to be able to find a way to start
programs for those who are also going through those things and/or are
survivors and through it already. I have several dreams and I want my
children and family to be proud of me. Right now I have not done any of
the above per sey, but I do talk to people I meet in a day to day basis
and try to encourage them and pray for them... I am standing on the following scriptures to include but not limited to Jer. 29:11 Jer. 33:3 Hab. 2:3 and Heb. 11:1 Rom. 8:28
Abuse Knows No Boundaries However Help Is Available
Abuse know no social boundaries, it can happen in low income families as well as middle class and upper class families. Abuse is an enemy that "seems" to but doesn't always come without warning, all things can seem to be wonderful and going well and then it all changes and we ask ourselves why didn't we see the warning signs., Many times we saw the warning signs but we didn't recognize them as such or maybe we did recognize them, but thought we could love the person enough to help them change or perhaps there were no warning signs at all. The depends on the individual abuser whether or not you will see and or recognize the signs. It can start off with him/her seeming jealous over people and things that they shouldn't, you spending time with family and friends, including your own children whether young or adults, it can even be you dressing nice to go to church. They may then also start making verbal digs at and to you such as telling you that your choices are stupid and/or hair brained, that you don't know what you're talking about no matter what it is. They may tell you that no one but them will ever love you that you deserve what they say and do. They may cry ans say they're sorry only to do it again over and over and over and each time crying and/or apologizing. They will blame you for their anger, their pain and their choices when in fact it isn't your fault. They will degrade and humiliate you alone and in front of others ( if they become bold enough) many abusers are hiders they hide what they are doing to you and they know that you too will hide and deny the abuse thinking you can love them enough that they will stop or because you are too afraid to tell others for fear for your life and your families lives and/ or from shame. We hide it for one reason or another, but then there has to come a day that we become strong enough to get us and our children away from them and stay away. Abuse is such an ugly demon and it affects both men and women. Yes there are men who are in fact not the abusers but the victims of abuse and they too need to know they can be survivors and get out. Actually in my opinion not enough is told about men being victims of abuse. We need to not categories all males as abusers and realize some of them are just like us victims when it happens but we can and are survivors after the fact. Learn and know the signs before it's too late and if you're already in a marriage/relationship where little the things he/she does is tugging at you that or the little things have already turned into larger an violent things, then please heed that warning you're feeling/seeing and seek help and support and when it's safe please get you and your children if you have any and get out. Trust me when I say you cannot love someone enough and be good enough to and for them that they will stop and change. Other signs of abuse: He or she may do one or all of the following to include but not limited to:
| Has a bad and unpredictable temper |
||||||||||
| Hurts you, or threatens to hurt or kill you | ||||||||||
| Threatens to take your children away or harm them | ||||||||||
| Threatens to commit suicide if you leave | ||||||||||
| Forces you to have sex | ||||||||||
Destroys your belongings
|
You Can Become A Survivor Of Your Victimization
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, domestic abuse, emotional/mental abuse and self abuse and for nearly 2 1/2 years my children and I were homeless when they were younger (they are all now grown) via severe obesity at one time I was 350 pounds and I have lost 156 pounds so far. I lived as a victim long after I was victimized because I didn't know how to deal with what had happened and because some felt it shouldn't bother me, well let me tell you did bother me and did hurt and it did bring down my own self esteem and it made me feel dirty and ashamed, but now I use all those feelings I used to have as a basis strength. How can I do that you may ask. Well I even though the memories of what happened never leave me they no longer control me, I no longer feel dirty and ashamed for what they did to me, I now can say what they meant to weaken me has now made me stronger in many ways with God's help. God has given me the courage to speak out about it and to use it to help others locally say in those I meet on the streets, in stores, in church etc and my hope it so be able to become a public speaker on these things giving God the glory for bringing me through those times to help others. I would also like to write books encouraging others by my stories to know that they can become a survivor and stop living as a victim when they are strong enough. We can use our past pains as stepping stones to get to happier times in our lives. Many things in my life affected me for many years in my relationships and in raising my children which in also affected my children because I was sad, bitter and angry at what happened to me as a child and as an adult and I became so depressed and that and my attitude affected my children, then I married a man who was an abuser. The abuse didn't start right away, it was gradual with mental and emotional abuse which later evolved into him going to kill me. I got away but then 6 months later he convinced me he had changed and I fell for it all and married him not a good choice at all. That affected my children in a way they should have never been affected and it has strained our relationship with my younger two due to my relationship with him at the time. It took me years to realize that I cannot love someone enough to make them a good, loving and kind person they either want to be that or they don't but we can't help them when they don't want the help.I never wanted my children hurt in any way from my choices of being with him or anything else yet it has hurt them and hurt our relationship and that is my fault not anyone else. I love my children more than words can say and I am sorry that my choices had such negative affects on them and as much as I wish I could change my bad past choices in who I allowed in my and my children's lives, but I can't and even though I have tried to make up for them and to my children I have come to realize that I can't make it up and that is heartbreaking. My hope is that someday soon my children can forgive me. I have apologized to them and have done my best the past several years to make better choices. Abusers fault vs my fault is that my childhood sexual abuse I had no control over however my obesity I had a choice but wasn't strong enough to make the right choice for a long time. The depression was the apart of me that couldn't deal with what had happened to em as a child and as an adult and that is something God is helping me with, oh there are days I feel sad and cry still but those days are not as often as they were. God finally gave me the strength 6 years ago to leave my then husband (my children's step dad) since then it has been me and God. I want you to know that you can become a survivor and not have to be down trodden and beaten physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise. You don't have to inflict pain upon yourself because of your choices or others choices concerning you, that you can stand up for yourself and respect yourself even when others don't respect you because they won't let go of the past and use it for good rather than to use it as a bad reminder of what you've gone through. I am here if you need to talk on the open page or privately inbox. God is there even when others aren't around always remember that. When I am feeling overwhelmed or unsure of things, God always brings these scriptures to my remembrance. He first one reminds me that He said He will work all things for the good, so that includes the good, the bad, sad and hurtful things, so when I know that no matter what I am going through He already has it worked out. The second one tells me that He already knows His plans for me for good and not evil. The third one tells me that when I call out to Him that He will will show me great and mighty things I never could imagine as does the fourth it also tells me that my dreams can still be reached when the time is right. The fifth one shows me that faith and hope go hand in hand that you can't have one without the other and that even though we don't see the end results of our prayers He will answer and give us an answer whether the answer is yes or no and that even when the answer is yes I may have to wait a little while for it. Look at Jacob the angel fought 21 days to get through but he made it. tcc Rom. 8:28 Jer 29:11 Jer. 33:3 Hab 2:3 Heb. 11:1
Thursday, September 12, 2013
EOP's (Emergency Protective Order) Are Good When They Are Enforced, Sometimes Though They Alienate And Challenge the Abuser... So Please Be Careful Even With An EPO And Watch Your Surroundings...
Sometimes
I think and EPO just alienated the abuser and pushes him to see how far
he/she can go before getting caught, it's like it's a challenge. My ex
didn't even get arrested even when I called the police several different
times when he broke the EPO (Emergency Protective Order). and I had
proof. They said they had to see him near me or hurting me. I explained
the EPO stated he was in violation if he
contacted me even via a phone, letter, etc which he did multiple times.
Nor did they arrest him the night he attacked me and took the phone
from me several times while I was talking to the 911 operator. When the
police did show they informed me that if they went and out to look for
him and found him and if he had even one bruise on him they would come
back and arrest me as well ( he had of course left long before the
police arrived). I couldn't believe what I was hearing when the 911
operator heard the things he was saying to me and that he kept taking
the phone and hanging up on her yet the police would arrest me as well
if he had any bruises. I am not saying not to file an EPO I am saying be
careful either way if you do or don't. So many of DV laws need to be
changed or at the least on some amended to stop protecting the abuser.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Past Abuses And Past Bad Choices Can't Be Changed, But We Can...
As
a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (by multiple males at different
times ), and as a survivor of adulthood domestic abuse (two marriages were physically violent they were also abusive verbally and emotionally), others were verbally and emotionally abusive etc. I am also a survivor of self abuse via severe obesity that took me to at one time weighing at least 350 pounds (after a time I stopped weighing myself because I didn't want to to know how much I weighed) and I have now loss 156 pounds, (haven't weighed myself in a couple of months so will do that soon and see where I am on the scale). I am "not
opposed" to others choosing surgery to
help) I was/am an emotional eater so I have be careful not to gain it
back and I haven't thank God ( although over the past 12 years my weight has gone up and down at the to 20 pounds mark, but no more than that, then there was a time we where homeless (for nearly 2 1/2 yrs when
my children we younger) and then there was a time I drank to mask the pain
of things I had gone through from childhood to adulthood including the new things I was going through. I was
also married to a man who had four distinct voices other than his own
and 44 names. I would like to be a counselor/public speaker/author in
all of those areas, because I have been there and I survived. I have
started blogs here on www.blogspot.com besides this one, they are on my weight loss and parenting and the choices we make as parents both good and bad and how those choices can and do affect our children ( trust me our good and bad choices do affect our children I know mine have both my good and bad choices. I hope someday my children will forgive me for my bad choices and begin to remember more of my good choices and that they always know that even though I failed at times that I have never stopped l loving them and wanting them in my life. I also write on Facebook about what I have gone through in hopes of encouraging others that they too can stop living as victims and start
living as survivors, that they can stop living in the past and the pain and
start living through it. I have also been encouraging other survivors to
blog about it because when we encourage others we also encourage
ourselves so it is a win-win situation.. I am also wanting to write
books and become a public speaker on those subjects should God choose to
open any of those doors for me and if He doesn't then it only because
He has other plans for me.
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